Isolation
by Hyouri
Summary: AU, takes place in a human world. GamKar  Karkat have experienced something really traumatic and isolates himself from the world. But Gamzee is not going to sit at watch his friend suffer without helping.
1. Chapter 1

**Isolation**

**AN:** Soooo. Yeah. I've gotten into the Homestuck-fandom and I fell pretty damned hard for most characters. Even more for Gamzee and Karkat. Especially pairing them up. Heh... XD  
>Anyway, hope you'll enjoy this! It's AU (as said in the summary), they're more humans than trolls, haha. And I'd say that Gamzee and Karkat are about 16-18 in this one, not entirely sure yet.<p>

**Warnings**: AU, mentions of noncon/rape, language, a bit of OOCness, eventual violence  
>Thanks to: chapette, for beta-reading! :D<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

It was about 3 am at night when the all too familiar sound of someone trying to reach him sounded from his laptop. Karkat threw a glance at the illuminated screen, he couldn't see who it was who had written to him, he was simply too far away from the computer.

He didn't really feel like bothering with crawling over to it, he wanted to stay in fetal position on the floor and just make everything go away. That was at least what he wished for; he wanted _everything_ to go away.

His life. His feelings. The things that had happened. The world. Everything. Well, perhaps it would be cruel of him to think like that. So he'd settle with everything in his own world vanishing. His existence alone. Just because Karkat's life sucked it didn't mean he had to condemn everyone, even if it would feel a bit better.

After a few minutes of just silent self-loathing another ping was heard from the computer. It seemed that whoever it was writing to him was a persisting stubborn little fuck. Because as the minutes passed Trollian kept making those beeping noises, indicating that the person writing was not about to stop.

With a deep sigh Karkat pushed himself up in sitting position, grimacing a bit as his aching limbs protested at the movement. But he ignored the pain and pretty much crawled over to his laptop which was on the floor next to a pillow. He didn't even remember signing in on Trollian during the day. Perhaps his computer had automatically rebooted and thus automatically logged him in? Who knew. With a sigh he clicked the blinking box, bringing up the so far one-sided conversation.

- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 03:03 -

[03:03] TC: hEeEeY bRo :o)

[03:04] TC: wHaT's GoInG oN?

[03:04] TC: i HaVeN't MoThErFuCkInG hEaRd FrOm YoU fOr DaYs

[03:05] TC: I hEaRd YoU hAvEnT fUcKiN bEeN iN sChOoL eItHeR

[03:06] TC: jUsT wOrRyInG aBoUt My MoThErFuCkInG bEsTfRiEnD :o)

[03:08] TC: If YoU aRe IgNoRiNg Me It AiN't CoOl At AlL bRo :o(

[03:15] TC: kAaAaAaAaRrRrRrRkAaAaAaAtTtT

[03:15] TC: hOnK

[03:15] TC: hOoOoOoOoOoOoOnK

[03:22] TC: :o(

[03:27] TC: bRo, If YoU dOn'T rEpLy I'lL fUcKiNg HaVe To CoMe OvEr AnD sEe To ThAt YoU aReN't MoThErFuCkInG dEaD!

[03:27] TC: wOuLdN't Be CoOl If My BeStFrIeNd DiEd JuSt LiKe tHat

Karkat couldn't help smiling a little bit. It was his friend Gamzee, best friend if you asked Gamzee. And it was probably true. Who else cared about Karkat anyway? Everyone else just wanted to get something out of him. He had always been the loner at school, sitting in the back of the classroom attentively listening to the teacher or just spacing out a bit. No one gave him much trouble, and he didn't mind. But Gamzee was another story... He had at first forced his presence upon Karkat, and by time he had grown fond of the stoned clown.

But his smile soon died down, depressing thoughts flooded his mind again and he sighed as he noted that he got a new message. Again.

[03:29] TC: HaNg On FrIeNd. GaMzEe Is AbOuT tO hEaD oVeR aNd SaVe ThE fUcKiNg DaY. DoN't Be MoThErFuCkInG dEaD oR sOmEtHiNg BrO!

Karkat blinked and quickly put his fingers on top of the keyboard. Gamzee would for sure come all the way to his apartment; the clown was impulsive and stupid enough to do something like that. And Karkat did not want his friend to get beaten up by some gang in the middle of the night. Karkat knew all too well to not walk in his neighborhood at night.

[03:30] CG: no you're not heading over i'm alive you idiot

With that he hit enter and just hoped that Gamzee hadn't had time to leave his own place. The gods knew that Gamzee Makara would go out stark naked if he had a goal in mind and wanted to hurry. Karkat was sure it was the drugs fault. He almost hoped it was the drugs fault... otherwise Gamzee was just plain fucking crazy.

But he was still Karkat's only friend. And a non-crazy Gamzee wouldn't be Gamzee, right?

[03:31] TC: bRoThEr! I wAs GeTtInG rEaLlY wOrRiEd, WhAt'S fUcKiNg HaPpEnInG? :o)

[03:32] CG: wallowing in despair, self-loathing, hate, rage at the world. usual crap and stuff i don't wanna talk about.

There was no reason denying what he was up to. And Karkat had no energy at all to even lie. He was just too fucking tired to come up with something, Gamzee would probably see through him either way. Which would just make things more dramatic. Even though Gamzee was quite a chill guy who didn't always seem very smart... he could for sure figure out stuff no one else could.

[03:33] TC: mAaAn, ThAt SoUnDs LiKe SoMe DeEp ShIt.

[03:34] TC: i CaN cOmE oVeR aNd We CaN tAlK aBoUt YoUr FeElInGs. i'Ll AlWaYs Be HeRe FoR a BrO iN nEeD, hOnK :o)

Karkat rolled his eyes and mentally groaned at the suggestion. Oh god not another session lying in a pile of pillows and blankets talking about his buried feelings... He had lost count of how many times Gamzee pretty much had forced him to open up about stuff he was keeping bottled up. And sure, it usually felt better afterwards... but he didn't want to talk this time.

Why would he want to bring something up that made him feel horrible? And what would Gamzee say? What if he would throw Karkat aside and not wanted to be friends any longer?

Sure, Karkat had been used to being alone. And as said, he hadn't minded. But that was _before_ Gamzee fucking Makara nestled him into Karkat's life and decided to stay there.

_"I'm staying bro, cause I'm fucking chill and I don't feel like leaving. Hope that's fine with you motherfucker, cause your fucking couch is much more comfy than mine."_

Man that had been awkward. They had been paired together for a stupid project in school. As they got home to Karkat he realized that it wouldn't work. There was no way in hell Karkat was letting that stupid idiot ruining his grade. Karkat had tried to send Gamzee home, but that was when he had refused.

And it turned out that Gamzee wasn't such a stupid stoner as Karkat had first thought. He was pretty smart when he put his mind to it, and that was when a strange friendship started to take form. And now Karkat couldn't imagine his life without Gamzee.

_But you did kind of contemplate suicide a while ago, Karkat..._

Yeah, right. His existence which he wanted to erase. But man, that wasn't really fair, was it?

[03:36] CG: no gamzee. i don't want to talk. i don't want anything right now.

[03:36] TC: AwWw MaN. sOmEtHiNg Is SeRiOuSlY wRoNg WiTh YoU. i ShOuLd ReAlLy CoMe OvEr. We CaN eVeN wAtCh ThOsE fUcKiNg RoMcOmS yOu LoVe So DeArLy. EvErY fUcKiNg OnE yOu OwN iF yOu WaNt To, BrO :o)

It was really sweet of Gamzee to try and cheer him up like that, even offering to watch Karkat's huge collection of romcoms along with him even though he hated them. Or well, Gamzee didn't really hate them, he just didn't see them the way Karkat did.

Man why couldn't his life just be a bit more like one of those romcoms? Sure there usually was a bit of drama and shit, but the happy endings... Karkat wanted his own happy ending, but he couldn't see one no matter how hard he tried to imagine it.

[03:37] CG: sorry gamz but i don't want to do anything. just cease to fucking exist or something like that.

[03:37] CG: don't worry about me.

[03:38] TC: man, you do realize you're just fucking worrying me even more now, huh?

[03:38] TC: i'm coming over whether you motherfucking like it or not, bro. can't call myself your best friend otherwise :o)

- terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling carcinoGenticist [CG] at 03:38 -

Karkat just sat there staring at the screen, noting how Gamzee skipped his annoying writing style and then suddenly went offline. In a matter of seconds his friend would be walking out his door, no doubt forgetting to lock it, it was a damned miracle that no one had robbed him yet... And in 20 minutes or so he would be at Karkat's place.

The teenager cursed under his breath as he sat up properly and looked around in his living room.

It was a fucking mess. He hadn't been cleaning for days. There were several romcoms scattered around on the floor, he had really tried to cheer himself up by watching them, but he had just ended up making himself more miserable. Pillows and blankets were also scattered around, he had just been lying there on the floor, sleeping or watching movies. Or staring into the ceiling.

Had he even been eating? As he thought of it he heard his stomach growl. Perhaps he hadn't. He had kind of lost track of time. How many days had even passed since he had locked himself away from the rest of the world?

Fuck, he probably looked like a wreck. And he was a wreck. And he smelt pretty bad as well.

He let out a miserable moan as he sank down to the floor once more, curling up into fetus position and hugging his own legs. He couldn't bother making himself or the room look presentable. It wasn't as if Gamzee would care, the guy's place was a fucking junkyard.

"Why the fuck do you have to be so fucking stubborn, Gamzee?" Karkat asked himself as he pulled a blanket over his head.

As he was about to close his eyes he could feel his phone vibrate in his pocket. Tiredly he reached for it and squinted as the bright screen blinded him.

**From**: Gamzee  
>hAnG iN tHeRe :o)<p>

Karkat smiled weakly and put his phone down. Yeah, he would hang in there. What else could he do? He could only wait. Wait for his stubborn best friend to arrive and try to fix the broken mess he had become.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> Pretty short but what the heck. I've done my share of long-ass chapters for other fanfics already, I'll just go with whatever I feel like with this story XD  
>Hope you enjoyed! And I apologize if you find Karkat too out of character, but he's going through a hard time in this fic.<br>It feels really strange to write Karkat not writing in caps, haha.

Anyway, please leave a review if you feel like it! Always nice to see what people think :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Isolation**

**AN: **Fast update is fast. I've been writing all day because I'm nervous as hell (starting university tomorrow xAx) and I tend to like to distract myself with writing when I feel nervous XD SO HERE YOU GO.  
>A brand new chapter of Isolation. Which by the way was such a hasty title that I'm not sure it even should be named that, but the choice have been made haha!<br>And I once more apologize for any OOCness and grammar/spelling errors. If you notice any feel free to tell me!  
>Hope you'll enjoy :D<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

It felt like an eternity passed before there was a loud knocking on Karkat's door, but it had most likely only passed about half an hour. The teen twitched when he heard the sound. He did honestly not want to get up and open the door. Why couldn't he just stay there on the floor under his blanket and ignore it?

Right, because that would just make him an even bigger asshole than he already considered himself being.

With a deep sigh he threw off the blanket and slowly got up from the floor. As he stood up he had to take a grip on the wall to steady himself, his vision had gone blurry thanks to the sudden wave of dizziness and nausea hitting him. He stood there for a while, taking deep breaths and forcing himself not to throw up or pass out. Wouldn't that have been perfect? As if Karkat wasn't feeling disgusting enough already.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

He opened his eyes and glanced over at the door, deciding that he probably was stable enough to make that little trip. But once he stood in front of his own door he simply put his forehead against it and sighed. He knew very well that there was no point in trying to ignore Gamzee. Karkat just didn't want Gamzee to see him like this, like a wreck.

Just as he was about to close his eyes again the knocking started again. No point in letting his friend stand outside like that. With a sigh Karkat looked through the door eye just to make sure it wasn't some other person, it wouldn't be the first time a random stranger knocked on his door at night.

Thankfully it was Gamzee standing outside, but Karkat almost jumped back since his friend was staring right back at him through the door eye, as if he knew Karkat was watching him. Man that was almost scary... but it had been even more scary if he had worn that stupid make up.

"Come on, Karkat, open the motherfucking door and let your best friend in!"

"Do I really have a choice?" Karkat muttered as he unhooked the safety chain and unlocked the door. He took a few steps backwards into his dark apartment. The only light in the room came from his small TV and the laptop.

It didn't take many seconds before the door handle was pulled down and Gamzee stepped into the apartment. It took a while for his friend to adjust to the darkness, and once he saw Karkat a lazy grin spread on his face.

"Man there you are! What the hell are you doing in the fuckin' darkness? I almost can't see shit in here!" he said, and judging by the slightly dragged out voice (and the lazy grin on his face) Karkat could easily tell that his friend was high. Gamzee had probably been smoking something again, and Karkat didn't mind.

He had already scolded and lectured Gamzee about how bad drugs were for him, but it seemed the other just didn't care. So Karkat had just accepted it in the end, but made a silent vow to himself that he would freaking kill Gamzee if he started to take heavy drugs.

Gamzee shut the door and even locked it. The fool might often forget to lock his own door, but he knew that Karkat hated to leave his door unlocked. And as Gamzee did this, Karkat couldn't help eyeing his friend from his head down to his feet... and that was when he noticed that Gamzee wasn't wearing any shoes.

"Fucking idiot," Karkat tiredly said and shook his head in disbelief, "You walked all the damned way here in only _socks_?"

Gamzee blinked as he turned towards Karkat one more, and then he looked down at his awfully dirty socks. For a few seconds he was quiet, wriggling his toes a little bit, and then he burst out laughing and grinned as he pulled a hand through his long messy hair.

"Well fuck, ain't that just stupid?"

"No shit..."

The two friends both silenced and proceeded with just staring at each other. Well, that was until Gamzee all of a sudden walked up to Karkat and without any warning pulled him into a hug.

Karkat let out a loud noise of protest and was about to wriggle his way out of the lanky arms which were holding him against Gamzee's body. Gamzee's quite warm body. Gamzee's body that smelled lightly of pot and some other sweet scent that Karkat never had managed to quite identify. Perhaps that was just Gamzee's natural scent... overlooking the pot.

It didn't take long until Karkat gave up his struggle to break free and just allowed himself to relax in Gamzee's embrace. He hated to admit it, but it felt pretty good. It would have been fucking perfect if it wasn't for the fact that he almost felt like he was going to start crying. Karkat _never _cried in front of anyone. Not even Gamzee.

"Hey Karkat, what's going on? I've been fucking worried about you. You've been totally out of reach for like... days, not replying to texts, calls or motherfucking anything," Gamzee lazily said, but Karkat could hear the concerned tone as.

"Been busy," Karkat murmured with his head against Gamzee's chest. He just had to be about a head taller than Karkat.

And Karkat had been busy in a sense. Busy contemplating just ending his miserable life and thinking of the many reasons why he hated the world and himself. Of course he had spent some time watching those romcoms too, desperately trying to imagine himself getting swept off of his feet by someone who could take his every damned problem away.

There was no wonder that the movie companies made so much money. They were pretty much selling dreams on discs. You buy one, sit there and watch it... dream yourself away, trying to imagine yourself in the actors' places. Karkat had at least done so many times, just escaping from reality for a while. But it always felt really horrible when you realized it wouldn't happen just like that. You could say that Karkat both loved and hate the movies thanks to that fact.

"Busy doing what?"

"None of your damned business," Karkat harshly said and finally pushed Gamzee away.

"You look like shit, Karkat."

Karkat raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, "Thanks, great observation dumbass!"

Gamzee just chuckled, taking no offence at all. With a shrug he walked into the dark living room, allowing himself to sit down in the couch and then he put his feet up on the table. Normally Karkat would have scolded him for doing that, especially with those filthy socks on... but he couldn't bother with it at the moment.

"Come here, friend," Gamzee said and patted the seat next to him, "We're gonna have a long and nice talk about your motherfucking feelings, you know that you want to."

Karkat let out a sound that nearly could be described as a snarl and he shook his head violently, causing it to ache.

No, Karkat did _not_ want to talk about his feelings or some mushy crap like that. Hadn't he already made that clear enough? He would rather forget and bury his feelings as deep down as he could, somewhere he never would stumble upon them again.

"And in the language of the motherfucking Karkat I guess that means something like hell fucking no, bro," Gamzee said, still with that wide and lazy smile on his face. Once more he patted the seat next to him, "Come on and just sit your fucking ass down here!"

"Why?" Karkat asked and eyed Gamzee suspiciously, as if he didn't trust the other entirely.

"Cause you look like you fucking need it."

Karkat sighed, "Gamz, look, you're fucking high and I-,"

"Since when am I not high, Karkles?"

"Shut the fuck up, Gamzee!" Karkat snapped and turned around at the use of that ridiculous nickname, perhaps he turned a little bit too fast because his earlier dizziness hit him once more and he could feel how he swayed.

But before he could fall over he felt how a pair of arms held him firm in place. Damn, at time Gamzee could move really quickly.

"You're not fucking well at all," Gamzee said and actually frowned, something that Karkat rarely had seen his friend do, "Have you even been eating? You were fucking skin and bones to begin with."

Karkat shrugged, "I don't really know. I don't think so." The days were a blur. He didn't even know what day it was. Monday? Tuesday? Or perhaps even Wednesday.

"I guess your motherfucking best friend just will have to make you something to eat then," Gamzee said with a chuckle before he pushed Karkat towards the kitchen, not stopping until he had pushed Karkat down on one of the two chairs by the small table, "Sit tight while I work my fuckin' magic!"

And with that Gamzee flicked on the light switch, causing a horrendous light to blind poor Karkat who had been spending days in darkness with the blinds down. He couldn't help hissing and furiously rubbing his eyes, taking quite some time to get used to the light.

Once he managed to open them and see somewhat properly he noted that Gamzee was staring into his fridge. About a minute or two passed before Gamzee did the same thing with the freezer, and then a cupboard.

Afterwards he turned to Karkat with an unreadable face expression.

"What?" Karkat asked, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me, everything is pretty much empty."

Karkat sighed and shrugged, "So what?" he irritably asked, "I've not had time to shop. That's all."

"Are you expecting me to cook with motherfucking hopes and dreams?"

"Hopes, dreams and _miracles_, Gamzee. I thought you of all damned people wouldn't forget miracles."

The taller teen laughed loudly at that and grinned, "Man even I know that I can't make a fucking pie out of miracles. But if I could it would be a motherfucking delicious pie, I'm fuckin' sure of it!"

Karkat felt his lips pull up in a small smile, it didn't last long though. Anyway, he wasn't really hungry, but he felt bad for Gamzee walking all the way to his place, and now Karkat was just being an asshole. But he was most of the time an asshole... only difference was that he felt bad about it now.

"Gamzee... look, I'm sorry for being a jerk," Karkat bitterly said after thinking a while.

"Karkat, you're not a jerk, you're my motherfucking best friend!" Gamzee said with slightly tilted head, looking confused.

"Yeah, and yet I'm just a fucking asshole so I don't even get why you deal with me and my shit."

Gamzee grinned, "Would it even be you if you weren't an ass? And I bet you're a fucking softie deep down."

"Am not," Karkat said with a frown on his face.

"Whatever you say, brother. Now let's order some motherfucking pizza and watch one of your romcoms. Sounds fucking good, yeah?"

Karkat sighed. Well, at least it didn't involve talking about his feelings. Even though he had a feeling that Gamzee would make him talk later.

"Don't you have school tomorrow or-,"

"Go get a fuckin' romcom and sit down while I order food, Karkles."

Karkat rolled his eyes but stood up and headed out to the living room as Gamzee picked up his phone to order food, most likely from the pizza place down the street. It was the only place that was open all night long.

He guessed a bit of food wouldn't be too bad, perhaps it would take away the dizziness. He wasn't sure that the romcom would make him feel any better though.

With a sigh he sat down in front of a pile of movies and started to look through them. There was no point in trying to argue more with Gamzee.

He'd just have to watch a movie and hope that Gamzee would prod him about his feelings later.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>And that's it for chapter 2!  
>I don't really know when chapter 3 will come out, sometime this week I'd say but I can't specify since I start uni, and the days are quite long, plus I'll have to go there by train. Which takes up even more of my time :|<br>(But then again I'll have a laptop with me so I guess I can write on the train :D)

If you'd like to, please tell me what you think of this chapter! And thanks for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Isolation**

**AN:** aaaaugh. Sorry for the long wait! Uni have been keeping me busy, and I've been sick all this week, so I've not been able to write something that's worth readin OTL  
>BUT THEN I GOT INSPIRATION, WOHO! So here it is, chapter 3 of Isolation! Perhaps a bit OOCness in this one, but hey, I've to make Gamzee's addiction seem a bit more realistic than I intended to. I've been reading up about some drugs and applied certain things to Gamzee XD BUT. This story isn't focusing much on that, haha. Unless you guys want me to involve his addiction more...?<p>

Read and enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

As the credits were rolling on the screen of the third romcom they had watched, Gamzee raised an eyebrow, "Bro, is it seriously going to end this motherfucking way?" he asked, looking at the screen as if he was waiting for it to suddenly continue.

But Gamzee's question got no reply, so he threw a glance to his right side and couldn't help grinning as he noted that Karkat had fallen asleep with his head resting against Gamzee's shoulder. Well, he had thought it was a bit strange that Karkat had been so close to him, but he had figured it had something to do with him being upset.

"Aren't you the most fucking cute thing ever while you sleep, huh?" Gamzee murmured as he carefully brushed some hair away from Karkat's face to get a closer look at him. He was really knocked out cold, usually Karkat would have woken up at the slightest touch. But judging by the dark bags under Karkat's eyes Gamzee could easily guess that he had barely slept. He just wondered why...

With a sigh Gamzee shook his head and turned off the DVD before carefully getting up from the couch and gently lowering Karkat until he was lying on his side in it.

For a while Gamzee just stood there, watching Karkat. It felt like his mind was starting to clear up a bit. It wasn't like he had smoked as much as he usually did any way. And it was morning... damn, it had been about 4 when he arrived and then they had watched three movies. It was probably around 10 by now. But the apartment was still dark since the blinds were down.

Gamzee shrugged and finally tore his eyes away from Karkat's sleeping form, he grabbed the empty pizza cartons and dumped them in the kitchen. While in there he gulped down a glass of water and shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

He wasn't entirely sure that he liked the feeling of sobering up after being high. And even though he hated to admit it, Gamzee had been high more often than he was sober. Of course he wasn't heavily drugged up or so when he went to school... just a bit out of it if he had been smoking a lot the day before, and if he had kept doing it for long. At times Gamzee would start smoking as soon as he got home, and he'd take his last smoke late at night before going to bed. If he even went to bed.

People sure thought he was a bit loopy in school at times, but they figured it was just his personality. Which was partly true. He was pretty laid back.

Only Karkat and a few others, like his friend Tavros, knew about his little drug-addiction. But he would only smoke. He _had _popped E before... it was quite amazing yet fucked up at the same time. It had felt like he could do anything while he was high on E. Like he could fly if he wanted to, he had never tried though. Or well, it was that one time that Karkat had dragged him away from a window. Since then Gamzee hadn't touched E. It could make him do really stupid things, and the after-effects weren't always fun to deal with either. He'd feel irritated and snap a lot more than usual, and a lot of other things.

So Gamzee had gone back to just smoking his joints. It felt like he had a little bit more control, and the after-effects weren't all that bad. Even though he at times used to feel anxious when he didn't get to smoke for quite some time. But he tried to cut down on the smoking since Karkat didn't like it either.

"Hm... fuck this shit," he tiredly said as he put the empty glass aside and headed into the living room once more. He bent down and picked up Karkat as carefully as he could.

And damn! Karkat was almost frighteningly easy to lift up like that. Gamzee himself was also pretty skinny, but not to the same extent. Gamzee had both fat and muscles on his body, but Karkat felt as if he was just skin and bones...

"Man I'm going to have to take fucking care of you this time around," he quietly said as he steered his way towards Karkat's room. He nudged the door open with his foot and once he was inside he put Karkat down on the mattress and then pulled the blanket over him. Just as he was about to straighten up he felt a loose grip on his shirt.

"Gamzee..." a quiet whisper was heard from Karkat, making Gamzee freeze up.

"Karkat...?"

The only reply Gamzee got was an incoherent murmur. Karkat was simply talking in his sleep. Gently he grabbed Karkat's hand and pulled the shirt out of his grip. He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched Karkat for some time once more. He wanted to make sure that Karkat was properly asleep before leaving him...

But it didn't seem like Karkat would settle into peaceful sleep. He kept twitching, moving and murmuring things every other minute. And after a while Gamzee had to face the fact that it wouldn't get better if he sat there staring at Karkat.

After a minute or two he left the room and carefully closed the door, just so he wouldn't disturb Karkat's sleep any further. He looked around as he entered the living room again. It was for sure messier than usual... Not that Gamzee was much of a neat freak, but it felt weird seeing Karkat's home in such a mess. It _almost_ gave him the urge to start cleaning. Almost.

"Fucked up," he said and shook his head as he walked up to the laptop Karkat had left on the floor. Well, he wasn't feeling tired so he guessed he could simply borrow Karkat's computer. Perhaps he'd find something of interesting on it. He sat down and put it on his lap.

As the computer switched out from power saving mode Gamzee noticed that Karkat probably hadn't touched the computer since their last talk. Trollian was still up, even the conversation they had had. But the internet was running in the background, there was only one tab open. Some search engine.

If Karkat had been doing something on the internet then Gamzee was pretty damned curious what he had been up to. Perhaps there was some clues to why Karkat was acting so off?

With a frown on his face Gamzee right-clicked the tab and then clicked the alternative that opened a previously closed tab. He repeated that step a few times, just so he could get an overview of some stuff Karkat had been doing online these latest days.

And he almost regretted it. All pages were various search-results and some forum topics.

"Easy way out suicides"

"Quick and painless suicide"

"Easy ways to kill yourself"

Suddenly Gamzee didn't feel high at all any longer, if there had been any trace of drugs left in his system it did for sure feel like they had vanished into thin air.

"What... what the fuck?" Gamzee said as he quickly eyed through a few more of the tabs, all about suicide.

And unless Karkat all of sudden had taken up a study on suicides (which was highly unlikely), then he was most likely planning his own suicide.

This would explain how Gamzee hadn't been able to get in touch with his friend for days. How long had Karkat planned this? And was he still planning it, or had he given it up?

For a while Gamzee could only sit and stare blankly at the screen. There was something about thinking of Karkat contemplating suicide that made him feel empty inside. Was Karkat feeling so damned miserable that he even couldn't turn to his motherfucking best friend for help? Or perhaps Karkat didn't think of Gamzee as his best friend any longer? Maybe Karkat just thought Gamzee was an annoying pain in the ass?

Okay, it was not a good time for Gamzee to sit and get all depressed as well. It was enough with something being seriously wrong with Karkat. And Gamzee would find out what the hell it was if it so was the last thing he did. He'd get it out of Karkat somehow, even if he would have to get mean.

"Man... what the fuck is going on in your head?" he tiredly asked as he shut down the tabs he had opened up. Instead he decided to check on Trollian. A few people were online, perhaps someone of them knew what had happened, or at least had a clue.

Just as he was about to double click one of the names a box popped up.

- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 10:43 -

[10:43] GC: K4RKL3S WH3N 4RE Y0U GOING TO STOP IGNOR1NG M3? :[

[10:43] GC: YOU 4R3N'T 3V3N 1N SCHOOL YOU 4SSHOL3

[10:44] CG: hEy TeReZi :o)

[10:44] CG: KaRkAt Is NoT aVaIlAbLe At ThE mOmEnT

[10:44] GC: G4MZ33? SO K4RK4T 1S 4L1V3?

[10:45] CG: yEaH bUt I tHiNk SoMeThInG iS wRoNg

[10:45] CG: dO yOu KnOw If SoMeThInG hAvE hApPeNeD?

[10:45] CG: CaUsE hE's NoT hIs UsUaL cRaNkY sElF :o(

[10:46] GC: 1 DON'T KNOW. H3 C4M3 W1TH M3 TO 4 P4RTY ON S4TURD4Y.

[10:46] GC: H3 H4V3 B33N 1GNOR1NG M3 S1NC3 TH3N :[

[10:46] GC: 4ND H3 ONLY ST4Y3D FOR H4LF 4N HOUR B3FOR3 H3 L3FT

[10:46] GC: SO H3 C4N'T H4V3 4 H4NGOV3R

[10:47] CG: sOmEtHiNg MuSt HaVe HapPeNeD aFtEr ThaT cAuSe SoMeThInG iS mOtHeRfUcKiNg WrOnG.

[10:47] CG: aNyWaY tHaNk YoU sIsTeR. nOw I hAvE sOmEtHiNg To Go On. :o)

[10:47] CG: NoW i BeTtEr GeT oFf KaRkAt'S mOtHeRfUcKiNg LaPtOp.

[10:47] CG: bYe TeReZi :o)

[10:48] GC: T3LL K4RKL3S 1 S41D H1, H3 C4N'T H1D3 FROM M3 FOR3V3R :]

– gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 10:48 –

Alright. So Karkat had been to a party with Terezi during the weekend? And Karkat disliked parties. But being at a party for half an hour couldn't have been _that_ horrible. Gamzee had dragged Karkat to some parties before and he hadn't really minded. Sure he had been bitching a bit, but Karkat usually bitched so that wasn't anything new. And he's also scold Gamzee a lot when he had gotten really drunk, or when he didn't keep his drink under supervision.

And it was usually Karkat who in the end said that enough was enough and then he would escort Gamzee back to his apartment before heading home himself. He had never left Gamzee at a party, it was like he thought it was his responsibility to make sure he got home safely.

...What if Karkat hadn't gotten home safely from the party he had been on with Terezi? Could something have happened? But what the hell had happened?

Gamzee frowned and shut the laptop down before he stood up and looked around. Well... it wasn't like he was tired. Perhaps he could go out and buy some food. He needed some fresh air, and he was getting really damned hungry. He always got the munchies after smoking, felt like he could eat a whole damned buffet on his own.

Gamzee threw one last look into Karkat's room before he headed out to the hallway, putting a pair of Karkat's shoes. They were kinda too small for him, and they really squeezed his toes. But he couldn't walk to the mart with only socks on his feet. Only when he was high and didn't care.

"Damn, I really need a fucking joint..."

But Gamzee had a feeling it would take quite some time before he could sit down and smoke again. He had to deal with Karkat and his problems first of all.

And he would do that sober.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>Hope you thought this chapter was okay. Not very long, but I felt like I couldn't do much more with it when Karkat is asleep haha.  
>And it was fun figuring out a bit more about Gamzee. And it was also interesting to read about cannabis and ecstasy. I've learned a bit more!<p>

I'll try to update soon. Chapter 4 is pretty much done already c:  
>Please review and tell me what you think, if you feel like doing so! Otherwise just thanks for reading! :D<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Isolation**

**AN: **At times I can update quickly c:  
>Haha, I actually had this chapter finished already! Most of it at least, I've done some heavy modifications on it today. And there's another version up on dA, but this is the full version so no worries!<br>Rating is now upped to M.

Read and enjoooooy.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

Karkat had been sleeping for almost 10 hours before Gamzee decided that it was time to wake him up so he'd get something to eat. They had been eating in silence, and later on they had proceeded to sit down in the couch and watch TV, also that done in total silence. Karkat was feeling a bit put off by Gamzee's sudden change of behavior. He had just said a few words when he woke Karkat up, then he had gone silent and not spoken since then.

Karkat couldn't help tensing up slightly as Gamzee all of a sudden lowered the volume on the TV as credits started running for some stupid drama they had been watching.

"Karkat, talk to me," Gamzee seriously said and looked into Karkat's eyes. The dead serious look on Gamzee's face almost scared Karkat. The older teen used to look a little bit out of it, as if he was in his own world. But now he was staring back at Karkat with such clarity in his eyes that the other was taken by surprise.

It did make sense though. Gamzee had been staying at Karkat's place for almost a day, thus he hadn't smoked anything at all since arriving. And Karkat knew that the high only lasted about three or four hours at a top, normally a bit less. So there was no way Gamzee was high.

"About what?" Karkat asked as if he expected Gamzee to simply let go of the matter, he glanced back at the TV for some distraction.

"Your know motherfucking what. Now tell me what the fuck happened to make you go and isolate yourself like this!"

"I'm not-,"

"Karkat, I'm not buying your motherfucking lies. Something happened last weekend, and you're not telling me what. Terezi told me about the party, so what did motherfucking happen?"

The hard and slightly angry edge to Gamzee's voice made Karkat twitch and lower his head as he bit his own lip. Gamzee was not going to back down, and Karkat knew all too well that it wasn't a good idea to medd with Gamzee when he was sober and pissed off. Of course he wasn't really dangerous... alright, perhaps he could at times get a bit violent and aggressive, but he would never hurt anyone. Unless they really deserved it.

"I..." Karkat trailed off and wrapped his arms around himself, as if he could protect himself from the memories and buried feelings that way, "Gamzee... it's... it's fucking complicated!"

"Well guess what. I have all fucking day and all fucking week. We've got motherfucking eternity cause I'm sure as hell not leaving until you've talked!"

"Fuck, Gamzee, I don't even remember most of what happened!"

Gamzee raised an eyebrow, "What the hell do you mean by that? How come you sit here wallowing in fucking self-despair and contemplate _suicide_ if you don't even know what the fuck happened?"

Karkat's eyes widened, "You've checked my computer? That's invading my fucking privacy!"

"I don't care about your privacy right now, just tell me what the fuck happened!"

"No, I don't want to tell you because the parts I remember are fucked up enough and I don't want to remember more of it!"

"Fucking tell me, Karkat!"

"No!"

"God damn it, tell me you stubborn motherfucker!"

"I told you already, no! FUCK NO!" Karkat yelled.

"Karkat!"

Karkat gasped as Gamzee all of a sudden took a forceful grip on his shoulders. He was holding Karkat so tightly that it almost was starting to hurt. And there was something in Karkat's brain which related it to something else, causing small flashes of what had happened to invade his mind. Bits and pieces were coming together, and he didn't wand it. Oh God, he just wanted it to remain buried in the back of his subconscious forever.

"Don't make me remember," Karkat said with a shaky voice, "Please, Gamzee, please... I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry, alright? I'm... Fuck!" he cursed as he felt that tears was threatening to leak out, "Damn it Gamzee, don't look at me!" he felt ashamed.

All of a sudden the grip on Karkat's shoulders loosened quite a lot, and the look of anger on Gamzee's face had changed to concern.

Gamzee forced himself to take a deep breath before speaking again, "Tell me everything."

"But-,"

"Whatever shit you're bottling up, you need to get it fucking out, do you hear me? Or would you rather talk to that motherfucking blind chick?"

Karkat let out a strangled noise and shook his head. Oh God no, not Terezi. He wouldn't be able to talk to her about something like that.

"Then calm the fuck down and start from the beginning."

Karkat lowered his head once more and did something he had hoped to avoid. Closing his eyes he let himself drift back to the memories of Saturday...

**- Karkat flashback -**

It was all so damned blurry that it was hard for him to remember. It had been a Saturday night, and Karkat had for once actually been out.

Terezi had been pestering him to come to a party (like she had done many times before), and he had ended up dragging his ass there even though he would have preferred to spend his day at home watching a movie or reading a book. But instead he had let himself be convinced to go to that party. Even though he didn't like parties a single bit.

He wasn't much of a drinker, but Terezi had managed to get him a drink either way. She wasn't underage, unlike Karkat, so she had no problems getting alcohol. Not that anyone had seemed to care about age at the place they were. No one had asked him to show any identification.

It had probably only passed about half an our when Karkat had decided to try and see if he could find Terezi again. He wasn't feeling up to partying and just wanted to tell her that he was leaving. He gulped down the last of his drink and grimaced at the taste. He shook his head as he headed to the other side of the room.

There had he found Terezi flirting with some guy with sunglasses on. He clearly remembered that because come on... what fucking idiot did even wear sunglasses inside? But he hadn't paid the guy any more mind and then told Terezi that he was leaving. Terezi had of course protested, but in the end she gave up. She had known that Karkat wasn't going to let himself be guilt-tripped into staying.

As he had headed out from the bar he had started to feel a bit strange, but he brushed the feeling off, blaming it on the blaring music and the smoke inside the bar. It had probably been that causing his head to feel so heavy...

But the further he had walked, the worse had the feeling gotten. His vision got blurred, and his limbs had felt awfully heavy. As if they were filled with lead instead of blood. He had doubted that he could get home...

Karkat remembered collapsing, sitting down on the ground and struggling to keep his eyes opened. The last thing he remembered before everything got too fuzzy was the outlines of someone coming towards him, and a voice telling him something. Something about helping him? He wasn't entirely sure, after all he had been totally out of it. And at that point everything got black.

Next thing that Karkat remembered was a banging sound, and it felt like everything was shaking. His eyelids had felt horribly heavy, but in the end he had managed to open them up.

What was causing the banging sound was his own head hitting something hard repeatedly, and realizing that actually made him feel the dull pain. Everything had taken a long time to register in his state, but he managed to make out a person above him, rather on top of him. He was heavily panting, rocking his body back and forth in forceful moves.

Oh, so that was what had caused Karkat's head to repeatedly hit the wall, or whatever it was. And that was when he registered a new pain. A weak moan escaped his lips as he weakly put a hand against the chest of the person above him, but his limbs felt so heavy that he couldn't really do anything.

The person above him had cursed loudly and clamped a hand over Karkat's face. He had kept on going though, and Karkat had struggled to breath. Eventually things had gone black again, thanks to the lack of oxygen.

After yet another blank in his memory it was slowly clearing up.

He had waken up in a cold alley with his pants unbuttoned. At that point in time he hadn't paid it much attention. He had been far too confused and out of it to think of it, so he had stumbled up from the ground, buttoned his pants and then spent about an hour or two trying to find his way back home since he had no idea where the hell he was.

Karkat hadn't stopped and thought until he had gotten home and taken a shower. Then everything hit him. He had bruises over his body, bite marks, scratches and blood mixed with semen between his legs. At the time he just silently washed himself and then stumbled to his bed. He had slept for 16 hours before waking up, aching even more than he had done when he got home.

**- Karkat flashback end -**

"And that's it," Karkat bitterly said, "That's what you wanted to hear, wasn't it? How Karkat Vantas, after a year of nagging at you to keep you attention on your god damned drinks then himself goes and get fucking raped because he stops paying attention!"

Gamzee stared at Karkat in silence for a while and the shorter teen bit his lip. It was so damned hard to read Gamzee when he was being sober. Almost impossible to see what he was thinking about.

"Who?" Gamzee all of a sudden asked.

Karkat blinked, "Who what?"

"Who did it?" Gamzee asked, a spark of anger in his eyes, "Who is the sorry motherfucker who fucking raped you? I'm going to find the fucker and rip his fucking head off!" Gamzee snarled.

"There's no point getting worked up, Gamz," Karkat murmured, "I don't remember. You know, I was pretty much knocked out all the time until I woke when... when... you know... and it was too dark to see. Plus my head was hurting like hell since it kept hitting the wall... I couldn't focus."

Gamzee was cursing under his breath and he clenched his fists, "I'll find him either way! And kill him! Paint the walls red with his motherfucking filthy blood!"

He stood up, looking as if he was about to leave the apartment... and that was what he was about to do. Gamzee was walking towards the door, but stopped when Karkat jumped up from the couch and launched himself at Gamzee, wrapping his arms around his waist and sinking down to the ground, kneeling.

"Don't leave," he quietly said, not caring how pathetic he sounded, "Please don't leave me, Gamzee. Please."

Gamzee felt his rage drop at the pathetic tone in his friend's voice, he was quietly repeating the world 'please' over and over again as if it was a mantra.

It took a lot of willpower to force the sudden wave or rage aside. First of all, he was feeling moody enough already since he hadn't had a joint for quite some time. And secondly, his best fucking friend had been _raped_ and he wanted to find the asshole and slowly kill him. But he couldn't leave Karkat like that.

"Hey it's alright," he softly said as he knelt down, hugging Karkat tightly, "It's alright, man, I won't leave, okay?"

Karkat swallowed and buried his face in Gamzee's shirt, "What should I do, Gamz? What the fuck should I do? I'm a fucking mess..."

Gamzee tightened his embrace and let out a heavy sigh, "We'll fix this shit, trust me Karkat... We'll fix _you_."

"What if I can't be fixed then? What if I'm just totally fucked up beyond fixing?"

"Miracles, Karkat, miracles."

"Shut it..."

"Know what I think we should do now? Watch your favorite fucking romcom, eat some damn snacks, then sleep and tomorrow we'll start the repairing procedure."

Karkat raised an eyebrow as he looked up at Gamzee's face. A 100% sober Gamzee was offering to watch romcoms with him... what the hell was the world coming to? He had been surprised enough when Gamzee had arrived at his place high and offered to watch romcoms.

With a light blush on his face he looked down, "Damn it... you don't have to, Gamz, you... I'm sure you wanna go home and... well... I don't know what. You don't have to stay here with me just because I'm a fucking pansy."

"Hey, I'm going to stay here with you cause I fucking care, alright? So why don't you sit down in your motherfucking couch and I'll fetch your favorite."

Karkat raised an eyebrow, "And you know which one is my favorite...?"

Gamzee flashed a grin and wriggled his eyebrows, "The only things I've seen you openly bawl at in front of me, and not those small sniffles you usually do."

Karkat frowned and crossed his arms, "I don't fucking bawl at any movie."

"Don't deny it Karkles. I think it's cute."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>And that's it for chapter 4~  
>Karkat have finally opened up, or well, been forced to open up. But the story is not close to ending yet. REPAIRING PROCEDURE AND STUFF COMING UP. Perhaps a bit of drama, haha. And some people seem to want me to bring up a bit more of Gamzee's addiction. Which I don't mind. It's interesting c:<br>Sorry if anything got weird in the flashback, by the way. I've edited it so many times that it's all spinning in my head o_o

Leave a review if you feel like it!  
>We'll see when next chapter comes. If I'm in writing mood tomorrow it might be up tomorrow. But it might take a week or so since I have uni to deal with, too. Hold on :)<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

**Isolation**

**AN: **Sorrrryyy for the long wait!  
>University keeps eating my time. I knew it was going to be much work studying to become a game programmer, but DAMN. They are drowning us in work! But it's fun, I've already made my first game haha :D<br>ANYWAY. This chapter was a tiny bit rushed in the sense that I've not had time to proofread as much as I would have wanted to, so feel free to point out any errors you find!

Other than that... read and enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

Karkat sighed as he looked at Gamzee who was vacuuming.

Something was very wrong with that picture. Karkat was lying in the couch, hugging a pillow, while Gamzee Makara was _vacuuming_ Karkat's apartment. Gamzee _never_ vacuumed. And Karkat always kept things tidy. Yet he was lying in the couch, watching Gamzee clean up. Which he had been doing for quite some time, in silence.

Oh well. Nothing had been like normal these last days... Karkat had been a wreck, and Gamzee had really been doing his best to help. Karkat could see that not smoking was starting to make Gamzee easier to irritate. The other had snapped more times than Karkat could count, but he always apologized once he had calmed down a bit. But Karkat knew that he deserved it. God, when he thought about it... Gamzee might never have wanted to become his friend if he hadn't been on drugs when they met. When he was high he had such an easy time dealing with Karkat's pissy attitude.

And no one deserved to have to deal with Karkat's attitude. It was a damned miracle that he had even a few friends. Like Terezi and Sollux. Otherwise he was on his own. Well, besides Gamzee.

"You don't have to clean up in my apartment," Karkat grumbled after a while, hugging the pillow even more tightly, "It's not that damned dirty and I can deal with it later."

Gamzee shrugged and just threw Karkat a slightly annoyed glance, continuing with his cleaning.

Karkat bit his lip. Man, he had really pissed Gamzee off earlier. It had already passed two days since Karkat had spilled everything he remembered, and they had gotten nowhere since then. Karkat was being stubborn and didn't want to speak more about it, which Gamzee did not appreciate. To be honest Karkat could understand it. He just didn't know what the hell Gamzee could do to make anything better.

With a sigh Karkat sat up in the couch and put the pillow in his lap. He wasn't sure he dared to say anything to the other. He was on the edge, he could tell.

"Look, Gamzee..." he trailed off to think of his next words carefully, "Perhaps you should go home. You've been here for days, I appreciate it but really. I'm fine. I can deal with it. So go home, go back to school..." he didn't dare to look up at Gamzee.

A heavy silence filled the room as the vacuum cleaner was turned off, but it was soon interrupted by the sound of something hitting the floor. Karkat slowly raised his head, not sure he wanted to look up at the other.

Gamzee was staring back at Karkat with an completely blank face. But it didn't take long for him too go from blank to pissed. Karkat immediately looked down again, knowing what was coming. Gamzee had blown up at him several times already...

"So that's it, huh? Your motherfucking best friend tries to help you and you are going to reject the fucking help?"

Karkat nibbled on his lip, "I told you, I _do_ fucking appreciate it but there's nothing to do about it. You better just go back to doing whatever you were doing before coming here..."

"You really are being a fucking asshole right now," Gamzee said, he sounded more disappointed that angry, "Perhaps you are right. I should go home, because being here isn't helping anyone of us. I'm fucking tired of trying to patch your fucking life together when you refuse to co-operate!"

Karkat opened his mouth, trying to think of something to say but he had no words.

"Don't bother," Gamzee said as he grabbed his bag which he had dropped by the couch, "I'm out of here. Don't motherfucking call me or anything. I've had it."

And with that Gamzee headed for the door and Karkat silently watched Gamzee disappear. His feelings were screaming at him to go up and run after Gamzee. But he couldn't. He had burdened Gamzee enough, and now he had finally gotten enough of Karkat.

"I just fucked up again... didn't I?" Karkat quietly asked himself and looked down at his hands clutching the pillow.

Since it had been Karkat suggesting that Gamzee should leave, why did he feel so damned horrible? All of a sudden he felt worse than he had done before. Never had his apartment felt so empty before. Yet it felt like people were standing around in him, laughing at him for being so stupid.

What the fuck had he done?

* * *

><p>Sollux Captor frowned as he logged in on Trollian, once more browsing through the users online. He sighed and shook his head. Where the fuck was Karkat anyway? He hadn't seen him in school, and he wasn't online.<p>

After staring at the screen for a while he picked up his phone and started to compose a new message.

To: Karkat

"hey kk. ii'd liike two know iif you are aliive or not. plea2e reply thii2 tiime a22hole."

As soon as he was done he threw the phone aside. It wasn't like he expected an answer either way. How many times had he tried to contact Karkat these last days? Too many times. Apparently Terezi had spoken to Gamzee who was at Karkat's place, but neither of them had heard from Karkat in person.

He hated to admit it, but he was getting kind of worried. Even though he and Karkat mostly just bitched at each other they were still friends. The way Karkat always would ask if they still were friends was always so amusing. Yet a little bit sad, as if he was afraid of being left alone.

"You thtupid fucker... what the fuck are you up to?" he asked himself as he reached for his headphones. He was just about to put them on when he noticed that his phone vibrated, it almost made him jump out of his chair. He fumbled with his phone a bit before he managed to open up the message he just had received. He hadn't bothered looking at the sender, it could only be Karkat.

From: Karkat

"i've fucked up so bad sollux. i think gamzee hates me now."

Oh god why wasn't Karkat 'yelling' at him with his usual caps? This didn't feel right, there wasn't even any insults in the text. Something had to be wrong. He even felt more worried than before.

Without hesitation he pressed the dial button and waited. He just hoped Karkat would pick up. And he was lucky, after stubbornly waiting for about 15 seconds someone picked up.

"Kk, what ith wrong?" he seriously asked, not bothering with making any rude remarks or greeting his friend properly. It was better getting straight to the point and find out what was going on.

"_I told you I fucked up. Gamzee isn't coming back. Oh god he's not coming back, he fucking hates me! Damn, damn I'm so fucking stupid! I shouldn't even have opened my damned mouth and said anything, I'm such a fucking asshole and I-,"_

"Uh, Kk, pleathe thlow down, what ith going on? Talk to me." Sollux had never heard Karkat sound so panicked over something before. Hell, he had never really seen Karkat seriously upset, so he didn't know how to handle it, but he knew he had to help somehow.

"_Some... ah fuck. Some really bad stuff happened last week and Gamzee tried to help me but I've just acted like a jerk and rejected his help, and now I've pissed him off so bad. He even said I was a fucking ass and he's right. Fuck fuck fuck! Damn it, I'm just so fucking stupid. I'm a waste of space and I don't even deserve to fucking live!"_

"Kk, you need to calm down," Sollux calmly said, "Going into panic ith not gonna help. Gamthee wouldn't jutht hate you all of a thudden..."

"_Damn you didn't see him! I've seen him angry before but this time it was different, I'm not sure he will forgive me. I fucked up too bad!"_

Sollux bit his own lip as he looked on Trollian once more, he could see that Gamzee was online. Perhaps he could try and talk to him. It wasn't really none of Sollux's business, but he wanted to do something for Karkat.

"You know, you can try and talk to him, Kk," Sollux suggested, letting the cursor hover over Gamzee's screen name.

"_Are you fucking crazy? He already hates me, I don't wanna make it worse. I've already treated him like crap, he doesn't deserve to deal with my crap and you don't either..."_

"Lithten, you're my friend, and even though you're annoying at timeth I thtill like you, tho I'm gonna deal with your crap whether you like it or not. Let me talk to him."

Sollux could hear a sound of disapproval coming from Karkat, but he didn't give the other any time to say no, "You can't thay no, I'll try and get in touch with him... don't do anything thtupid, Kk."

"_...there's no point but whatever. Fucking talk to him if you want to. Damn I... just... please tell him that I'm sorry for being such an ass? I just... I was scared to open up, tell him that. I didn't mean to fuck up this bad, I just don't want him to deal with my fuck ups."_

Sollux frowned. He had no idea what the hell Karkat was talking about, and even though he was quite curious about it he figured it wasn't a good time to ask, especially if whatever it was had triggered a fight between Gamzee and Karkat. He had a hard time imagining Gamzee getting that pissed off at Karkat.

"I'll do that. Take care, Kk. And get back to thchool thoon. It ith fucking boring to not have thomeone to pethter."

"_We'll see about that. Hey... thanks, Sollux."_

"No need to thank me," Sollux causally said, "Bye."

And with that he hung up, even though he didn't really want to. Not in the state Karkat was in... but he couldn't really do much by phone anyway.

So now he'd have to talk to Gamzee. Oh joy. He had barely spoken to the other before. But Karkat had told Sollux quite a lot about Gamzee. And Sollux had gotten the impression of Gamzee being pretty chill.

- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 5:04 -

TA: hey

TA: ii have two a2k you 2omethiing

TC: if it's about karkat

TC: DON'T MOTHERFUCKING BOTHER

TA: 2orry but ii have two, kk ii2 really up2et

TC: why should i motherfucking care? i've had enough

TA: but really. he'2 two 2cared to contact you about iit

TA: ii don't know what you two are fiightiing about

TA: but kk wanted me to 2ay 2omethiing2 2o ii wiill

TC: I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR IT

TA: he 2aiid he'2 2orry for beiing 2uch an a22.

TA: and that he ii2 2cared of openiing up

TA: he 2ounded really freaked out iin the phone, 2aiid 2tuff about you hatiing hiim and that he had fucked up bad

TA: he 2aiid he diidn't want you two deal wiith hiis fuckup2.

TA: he ii2n't gonna do 2omethiing stupiid riight?

TC: i dont' even know. i've tried to help him

TC: FOR SEVERAL MOTHERFUCKING DAYS. AND GUESS WHAT? HE DOESN'T WANT ANY FUCKING HELP.

TA: ii thiink he ju2t doe2n't know how to accept help

TA: iit'2 kk we're talkiing about. 2iince when doe2 he ever a2k for help

TA: 2eriously gamzee he 2ounded liike a wreck

TA: ii know ii'm u2ually an a22 to hiim but ii'm worriied

TA: anyway he diidn't even want me to contact you at fiir2t

TC: but you said he wanted you to say those fucking things to me

TC: I'M SO MOTHERFUCKING TIRED OF THIS FUCKING SHIT

TA: after ii 2aiid ii wa2 gonna talk to you no matter what

TA: anyway ii've told you now. and ii am not gonna meddle any more

TA: but plea2e talk to kk cau2e he diidn't want two up2et you

TA: ii don't thiink ii can help hiim any more than thii2

TA: he tru2t2 you more

- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 5:15 -

As Sollux closed down the log between him and Gamzee he sighed. He doubted that talk had made anything different, but he could always hope that Gamzee would try to see it from Karkat's view. But it did really seem like the other was pissed.

Never had Sollux felt like such a lousy friend before. But he was a bit socially awkward. He couldn't just show up at Karkat's house and try to help when he had no idea what was going on. It would only be awkward... plus, as he had told Gamzee, Karkat did trust Gamzee the most.

Sollux and Karkat were friends. Just not _that_ close friends. Maybe he could earn Karkat's full trust one day, but it was probably quite far away.

Oh well, he hoped that he had managed to do something right.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>I just keep giving them drama, don't I? Haha.  
>But no worries! I just need a bit of drama to make the two of them see things in a different perspective. And I really wanted an excuse to bring Sollux into the story, I love Sollux! And hope I did his lisp justice... I was debating with my self whether to write it out or not. As you can see, I did XD<p>

Hope you liked it! And feel free to leave a review if you feel like it. **Huge thanks to all of you who have reviewed so far!** I'm glad it's getting positive response! c:  
>Thanks for reading :D<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Isolation**

**AU: **sadkjlsfhasfoasdf. I'm so sorry for being a slow updater! Uuugh. Life just gets in the way, y'know? University is being quite a bitch. In a good way though! I enjoy what we do, it's just a tiiiny bit too much at times.

Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. It's about 1000 words longer than usual cause I didn't want to cut parts out c:  
>And yeah, slight OOCness as usual and BLUH BLUH BLUH. Don't like, don't read. I guess you guys who follow this story is used to my writing anyways XD<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

Oh damn. Wasn't it supposed to feel nice to open your door and step into your apartment? Like being home again? It's nice going away, but returning home should feel great. But it didn't feel very good at all.

The air was stale and he could almost still smell the pot he had been smoking days earlier. He hadn't had time to air out the apartment after spending so much time with Karkat.

With a sigh he managed to kick off Karkat's uncomfortably small shoes. He had been forced to keep his toes bent all the way home. It was a freaking miracle that his feet even had fit into those, especially with Karkat having small feet. Or perhaps it was Gamzee who had huge ones.

He dropped his bag and jacket on the floor before he started making his way towards the kitchen. It wasn't like a few more objects lying around on the floor would make much of a difference. Hit place was already a mess.

The only reason it was _somewhat_ presentable was because Karkat used to come around and clean up for him once in a while, even though Gamzee insisted it was fine the way it was. But it would always end up with Karkat throwing a hissy fit and ended up cleaning either way. And Gamzee would let him do so.

Right. Karkat.

"Motherfucking ass," Gamzee bitterly said as he looked in his fridge. He grabbed a frozen pizza and then slammed the freezer shut way harder than he needed to.

He stomped his way towards his microwave oven and put the pizza in. Gamzee was hungry and frustrated.

Damn, he had really tried his best to help Karkat. He had used up all his damned patience but Karkat was just too stubborn. And it pissed him off so much. Never had he felt so angry at Karkat before. Well, he was more than pissed off, he was also disappointed and felt betrayed to some extent. He didn't even know why.

What he _did_ know was the fact that he wouldn't be able to meet Karkat for a while. Actually, he had no idea what they were to each other any longer. Were they still friends? In a way he doubted it. Gamzee had went all out when he raged at Karkat and told him to not get in touch with him. It almost made him feel a tiny bit bad.

As he waited for his microwave oven to finish warming up the frozen pizza he headed out to the living room and turned on his computer. He hadn't touched it since right before he went to Karkat. Trollian automatically logged him in, and he noticed that a few chat windows popped up, but he dismissed them for now.

Tavros was a good guy and he didn't deserve to get snapped at by Gamzee. It was just better to wait until he was calm and collected.

There was one other chat window that caught his eye, and that was the one with the screenname twinArmageddons. Gamzee did know who it was, he had even met the guy one or two times when he had waited to pick Karkat up outside his school. They had never spoken on Trollian though.

With a sigh he opened up the chat window.

TA: hey

TA: ii have two a2k you 2omething

As Gamzee had suspected the conversation ended up being about Karkat. Man, he just wasn't allowed to try and forget about Karkat for even a minute, was he? And he ended up getting more angry than before as well. Of course Sollux defended Karkat.

TA: he 2ounded really freaked out on the phone, 2aiid 2tuff about you hatiing hiim and that he had fucked up bad

TA: he 2aiid he diidn't want you two deal wiith hiis fuckup2.

TA: he ii2n't goiing two do 2omethiing stupiid riight?

Gamzee raised an eyebrow. He had never said anything about hating Karkat. But then again it was Karkat. Karkat being in panic. He snorted at Sollux's worry. Of course Karkat wouldn't do something stupid over such a silly thing.

The conversation proceeded with Sollux going on about Karkat, and with Gamzee just snapping at him saying just what he was thinking. That he was tired of Karkat's crap. And he was also getting tired of Sollux. And his annoying writing quirk. Who the fuck wrote like that anyway? It was as if he was typing out his lisp.

And at the same blissful moment as Gamzee heard his microwave oven make a pinging noise, the conversation ended as well.

TA: anyway ii've told you now. and ii am not gonna meddle any more

TA: but plea2e talk to kk cau2e he diidn't want two up2et you

TA: ii don't thiink ii can help hiim any more than thii2

TA: he tru2t2 you more than me even though ii don't liike to admiit iit

- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 5:15 -

But for some reason he didn't feel as relieved as he had hoped to feel when the conversation ended.

If Karkat trusted Gamzee then he had a damned weird way of showing it. Rejection wasn't really a sign of trust if you asked Gamzee. He had been there for Karkat for days, trying to help in all kind of ways. But no matter what he said or did Karkat would just brush the help off.

Gamzee shook his head as he closed the chat window down and also logged out of Trollian. He didn't feel like speaking to anyone.

As he headed back into the kitchen he couldn't help thinking of what Sollux had said. "TA: he ii2n't goiing two do 2omethiing stupiid riight?"

No. It was just silly. Karkat could handle it. He just needed to calm down, just like Gamzee. And Gamzee needed to think of something other than Karkat if he ever would be able to calm down.

"Motherfucking shit," Gamzee growled and put the plate with the finished pizza down on the table.

* * *

><p>Alright. Perhaps Gamzee was a little bit worried about his friend. Perhaps he didn't want to take a break from Karkat.<p>

That was the reason why Gamzee all of a sudden found himself walking towards Karkat's apartment. The rain was soaking him, but he didn't care.

All he knew was that he needed to get to Karkat. He had done a lot of thinking, and the more he thought the more he worried. It was simply impossible not thinking of Karkat. The more he had tried not thinking about him, the more he had thought of him. He hadn't even been able to sleep.

It felt like it took forever for him to arrive. As if Karkat's apartment was just getting further and further away. But eventually he reached it. But when he stood outside Karkat's door he didn't know what to do.

"What the motherfucking hell..." he murmured as he stared at the door for a while.

God, it wasn't as if anyone would open if he didn't knock. Slowly he lifted his right hand up and then knocked three times.

"Come on, Karkat..." he muttered as he waited. But no one was getting the door. Karkat was probably upset, and didn't want to see anyone.

Perhaps he hadn't locked the door after Gamzee left... perhaps he was lucky enough. Cautiously he grabbed the handle and pulled down. He smiled in slight triumph as he pulled the door open and stepped inside the dark apartment. Just like he had left it... just that Karkat wasn't in the couch.

"Karkat?" Gamzee called as he got his shoes off and looked around. He headed towards Karkat's bedroom and looked inside, but he wasn't there either, "What the hell?"

With a frown he shut Karkat's bedroom door and headed into the kitchen instead. But Karkat wasn't there either. Great. His best motherfucking friend was gone.

If not...

Somehow Gamzee got a bad feeling as he turned towards the bathroom. Somehow he didn't want to open up the bathroom door. But he knew that he had to do it. He had to check there before starting to search for Karkat in other places.

With a sick feeling in his gut he pulled the door handle down without even knocking. And when he opened he felt like all air escaped him.

Water was pooling on the floor. Water mixed with red. Was it colour? No, Gamzee wasn't stupid enough to think that. His eyes took forever to travel to the tub, and once his eyes fixated on what he didn't want to see he felt sick.

Oh god why had he left? Why had he left when he deep down knew it was a bad idea?

* * *

><p>Gamzee gasped as he was brutally torn from his sleep, and he was happy to wake up. Shit, that had felt so real. Too real.<p>

He hadn't been able to let go thinking about Karkat when he was awake, and now it was haunting him in his dreams. That was some scary shit he had been dreaming. Just thinking about it made him shudder and feel as sick as he had done in his dream.

Who wanted to walk into a room and find someone they cared about lying motionless in a bathtub with slit wrists and blood anywhere? Blood on the walls, the mirror, the floor... mixed into the water. But Karkat had been white as snow, making the bright blood stand out even more.

Shit.

For a second time Gamzee found himself remembering Sollux question.

"TA: he ii2n't goiing two do 2omethiing stupiid riight?"

Earlier he had dismissed it and though of it as silly. But now it wasn't silly at all. It was serious. Karkat had been contemplating suicide. Who knew if he still was, and what if Gamzee's stupid outburst had pushed him even closer to the edge.

It didn't take Gamzee many seconds to get out of his bed once he realized he needed to go to Karkat.

And he wished he wouldn't walk in on the same scene as in his dream.

* * *

><p>Karkat hadn't been doing anything since Gamzee left, well, except for being in a silent panic-attack and crying his eyes out into the pillow.<p>

Seeing Gamzee leave like that had really _hurt_. It hurt so much more than he had been hurting before. It felt like another part of him just had died. Gamzee had always kind of given him a will to live. Not that he was depressed all the time without him, but if their friendship was over he didn't know what to do.

Karkat liked Gamzee too much. Even loved, but he had never told Gamzee that. He had never wanted to ruin their friendship by confessing something like that. Now there was no point in anything any longer.

It felt like painful stab in his stomach. Gamzee didn't want anything to do with him any longer.

Sollux had tried speaking to Gamzee, but when he had told Karkat about the conversation he hadn't had much to say. Karkat knew that Sollux probably avoided saying some things to protect him. But it wasn't reassuring to know that... it only meant that the conversation hadn't gone well.

Gamzee was still pissed and didn't want anything to do with Karkat.

He let out a silent whimper as he buried his face in the already tear-stained pillow, not caring that he was going to end up soaking it in tears at this rate.

Somehow it felt better to hide his face even though no one was watching him. He still felt ashamed of himself for not taking it a better way. It was his fault. It was his own screw ups.

With a shaky sigh he tried to stifle a sob, without success. He was just too miserable to try and hide it properly any longer. What surprised Karkat the most was the fact that he wasn't feeling nearly as bad about the rape, it was the whole Gamzee thing that was upsetting him the most at the moment. He just couldn't believe he had been so stupid and rejected him like that.

He was making it harder on himself. He had always thought that confessing something like love to Gamzee would be a stupid and pointless thing, but now there was no point at all since he had ruined whatever little chance he had.

"You're so fucking pathetic!" Karkat whined and slammed a fist into the pillow.

He just lied there and kept silently cursing at himself for being so stupid, but all of a sudden he heard a sound coming from his hallways, it almost made him stop breathing. Who the fuck was trying to get into his apartment? He hadn't locked the door, had he?

He bit the inside of his lip hard and quietly listened.

"Karkat?"

Oh, it was just Gamzee. Relief filled him up as he buried his face into the pillow again and shuddered. Somehow he had almost imagined his rapist standing on his doorstep.

Damn. Wait, Gamzee was back? Why the hell was he back? Wasn't he supposed to hate Karkat forever and never want to see him again? So why was he there, in the middle of the night?

He could hear soft footsteps getting closer to him, and he tensed up a bit as he felt fingers run through his hair.

"You asleep?" Gamzee quietly asked as he sat down on the floor next to the couch, his hand still stroking Karkat's head.

Karkat couldn't bring himself to speak or lift his head up from the pillow, he just shook his head weakly.

Gamzee sighed and made an attempt at pulling the pillow out of Karkat's arms, but the younger teen's grip tightened and he let out a noise of protest.

"Hey, come on," Gamzee softly said, "I'm sorry about earlier, alright? You know, my brain gets a bit fucked up when I've not been smoking for a while. I didn't mean those things..." he crossed his arms and rested them against the couch.

"You are you saying that because Sollux told you something, didn't he?" Karkat managed to croak out, his voice muffled by the pillow, "You said you had enough of me and that you didn't want me to get in touch with you again... and I understand that. I seriously fucking do."

Gamzee heavily sighed, "Yeah I said some stupid motherfucking shit, but I was just angry and frustrated. And yeah, your friend did talk to me but I kind of was a fucking ass to him. But it made me think, and I woke up just like half an hour ago and had a really bad feeling about all this. So here I am, and I'm not leaving you this motherfucking time."

And with that Karkat's grip on the pillow loosened, and Gamzee took the chance to pull it away, making Karkat reach for it but Gamzee threw it aside.

Karkat made a displeased face and crossed his arms as he stared at Gamzee, the room was illuminated by the strong moonlight outside. Gamzee was smiling, and man was that a relief or what?

"Crying doesn't suit you," Gamzee murmured as he lowered his head to rest them on his folded arms, ending up in the same level as Karkat, "And I feel like a fucking asshole for just leaving you when I do know you're stubborn and refuse help because of that."

"Gamzee-,"

"I mean, you've been motherfucking raped and then I go and just explode on you like that. Even though I know you only meant well with not wanting me to put all my time on you."

"Gamz-,"

"But Karkat, I _want_ to help you. I fucking want to stay with you until we've worked this shit through. And whatever motherfucking happens I'm going to be here for you no matter what you say. There's no way I'm leaving you like that again, do you get that? You're fucking stuck with me no matter what and-,"

Karkat didn't know what caused him to do it. He had tried to interrupt Gamzee, but the other hadn't let him cut him off. And now he was kissing Gamzee. Just like that. He had leaned forward the last bit and before Gamzee had had time to react Karkat had grabbed Gamzee by his har and kissed him full on the lips.

It only lasted for a few seconds, but it had felt much longer once Karkat let go. And then panic went through his head.

'Ohgodohgodohgod! What have I done?'

"Oh fuck, Gamzee... I... that was such a shitty moment to go and add this onto the already huge pile of shit and fuck-ups going on..."

Karkat trailed off as Gamzee gently grabbed his chin and tilted his head up a bit, then he closed in, stopping just a few millimeters away from Karkat's lips, "Who've said all your fuck-ups are bad?" and with that he closed the last space, gently returning the kiss.

The younger teen felt as if he was turning into jelly. Gamzee's lips were surprisingly soft against his own. It felt nice, no rushing or anything. Just a soft and reassuring kiss. The action spoke a lot more than you'd think.

After a while he parted with Karkat, but his hand still lingered on Karkat's tear-streaked cheek.

Karkat could only stare at Gamzee with wide eyes, "You..."

Gamzee smiled as he wiped away Karkat's tears, "You have no idea how motherfucking important you are to me, Karkat. That's what pissed me off, I just want to help you because you are the most important fucking thing to me, but you kept refusing the help."

"Gamzee..." his voice was a whisper, and he longingly looked at Gamzee. All of a sudden tears threatened to spill over again, and they did. But this time it wasn't miserable tears, it was tears of relief, "Gamzee."

Gamzee chuckled, "That's my motherfucking name, yeah. And it sounds the best with your voice so you can say it how many fucking times you want to."

"Gamzee."

"Yeah, Karkat?"

"You..."

"Me."

"You are..."

"I am."

"Oh shut up!" Karkat tiredly said and shook his head, regretting it a bit since it added onto his headache from crying so much, "I can't think straight."

"Obviously you can't think motherfucking straight because you aren't straight, brother."

Karkat groaned and rubbed his eyes, "Gamz... god I'm so happy you came back. I was too much of a pussy to call you. Then Sollux tried to get in touch with me and... I guess he talked to you?"

Gamzee nodded, "Talked some sense into me. But I didn't see it right away. I motherfucking woke up half an hour ago and just knew I had to go back."

Karkat smiled weakly, "Thanks, Gamz."

"No reason to thank me. I should never have left in the first place. It's just..." he trailed of and sighed, letting his fingers travel up Karkat's face once more, brushing hair out of Karkat's face to see his eyes, "It's painful to see you hurt so much without being able to to a motherfucking thing about it."

He sounded bitter. And he was really bitter, too. He wished he knew who had hurt Karkat. In that case he could have found the bastard and hurt him badly. Making sure that he never could do something so horrible to anyone again.

Karkat sighed lightly, not caring about Gamzee messing around with his hair, "You've been doing a lot. Without you... damn... I'm not sure what stupid things I could have done," he felt ashamed about even thinking of suicide, "If you hadn't shown up I might as well have just killed myself one way or the other."

"Don't say that..."

"It's true and you fucking know it. You found out," Karkat said with a shrug, "I was just... I didn't know how to handle it. I still don't. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Or do."

"First of all I think the most fucking logic thing would have been to call the cops. And Karkat, you need to go to a hospital."

Karkat frowned, "I'm fine..."

Gamzee seriously looked at him, "Do you have any idea what kind of fucked up STDs the rapist had? You _need_ to check that up. Fuck, you don't even have to tell them about what happened if you don't want to. But you must get checked for motherfucking STDs."

Karkat muttered something under his breath but sighed, "Sure... whatever."

"Good, then we'll get that done tomorrow."

Karkat whined, "Why tomorrow?"

"Cause we're setting your life back on the motherfucking right path again. We start with making sure you are physically fine, then we can work on the other things. Like getting you back to school and all other things."

"I don't feel like it..."

"I know," Gamzee said with a sigh, "But how motherfucking happy have you been while sitting holed up here? Don't you think it would kind of me a relief to get out and think of something else?"

Karkat sighed and shrugged, "I guess..."

Gamzee smiled widely as he stood up and offered his hand to Karkat, "That's the spirit. Now let's just get some motherfucking sleep. I've barely managed to chill or sleep and I bet you haven't either."

"Yeah, sounds good..." Karkat tiredly said and took Gamzee's hand, the other helped him up and steadied him up a bit as he swayed a bit.

As they headed towards the bedroom Karkat didn't let go of Gamzee's hand. And a small smile took place on his face.

Maybe, just maybe life would be able to turn for the better.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>Ngh. I had planned on putting a bit of Sollux in this chapter too, but I couldn't make it. That will have to wait for next chapter or something!  
>Anyway, now things are finally moving again. It felt a bit refreshing to write some awkward angsty fluff stuff again! I don't usually do so these days, so it's fun.<p>

I hope you enjoyed! And if you feel like, please leave a review and tell me what you think c:

-bro hugs everyone-


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